There's absolutely no word that can describe my feelings now. The feeling is just so.... overwhelming.

It has been confirmed. My worst fear is here. I'm officially "poisoned" yet again.

Everytime i sign in my msn, i'll search for that stupid girl's name.
Everytime my phone rings, i hope it's the big ugly bird.
Everytime i received a message, i pray that it's from the small brain aves.
Everytime i passed her faculty, i'll look out for the stupid flying rock.

Her ulti is so ................................ "gay"

F**k.

The 12th General Election

The Malaysia's 12th general election is finally over. Results? Disastrous for the current ruling party but a shockingly good news for the oppositions. All these while, the government has pissed us off so much that we have to use this election to show them that, the voices of the 'rakyat malaysia' is still very important. That we are one of the key elements that makes a country a country.
Chinese, Indians, and even Malays, for once, stood up together and voted for the opposition parties to an extent where Gerakan, MCA,MIC and even UMNO suffers such a big loss. Experts called it their biggest loss in history, candidates for the parliamentary and state seats called it political tsunami. I'd say it, its the voice of pissed Malaysians.
Okay, Election is over. And now, doubts are beginning to be casted upon the citizens of Malaysia. What implications will it bring? The fact that BN losses its 2/3rd majority in parliament and to top that, losing 5 states in the latest election, has caused the stock market to plunged down so much that it has to stop its trade on monday noon.
There are also doubts whether the new state government, formed by the alliance party, PKR-DAP-PAS, will serve the citizens better or worse.
Only time will tell.
I sure hope they will perform better than the previouse state government.
And i'm sure they'll want to do better. 5 years are enough for them to show us what they are capable of, so that they can garner more votes in the future elections.
For now, i'm with all hope and expectations that Penang will prosper in the next 5 years.
Hope for a better future, where poverty and suffering are less, and opportunities are everywhere.
HIDUP DAP!!!
P/S: kong if you are reading this- ALL YOUR PENANG SEATS ARE BELONGS TO DAP!!!

haha.

Just another empty post

Placed under the fan.
Sitting on the parquet floor.
Hands are on the keyboard.
Legs folded.
Messed hair.
Tired mind.
Body's feeling sick.
Losing concentration.
Heart, is feeling warm.

P.S/ Thanks, to all the Career and Self Development EXpo 2008 organizing committees who helped out with publicities. Thanks, to all my members. Thanks, to all that didn't blame me, and yet tried your best to help me. Thanks....

Over the moon

The last few days were simply too good for me. She crossed my path again, and like last time, i was all over the moon for that period. Everything was just like last time. My smile was so broad till even my face can't contain it. I don't want to land on earth again. Earth sucks. Moon's definitely better.
But i know, this is just a matter of time. Soon, it will all revert back to normal, I'll go back to my dull life, the spaceshuttle will land back on earth, the shooting star will travel pass me. I seriously don't want to hit the reset button.
I know it's coming. I know i shouldn't hope for anything. I know, it will only lead to disappoinment in the end. Yet, i'm hoping. Yet, i'm being so optimistic, when i know i shouldnt.
Men are born this way.
Men are weak.
Men are greedy.
Men are losers when it comes to this.
As long as there's tiny little hope, men will cling to it.
Pathetic, but it's the truth.
Men, are kiasu species.
Men, are human afterall.

An expression to die for

Picture says a thousand words.
yeah, it does.

Level 1 mage/priest

I need more sleep. I need more time.

Tried to memorise time stop. Partially succesful.

Teoh casted level 9 mage spell "time stop"*

spell casting failed due to lack of intelligence.

shit.

Ok then. I need to work faster.

Cast level 3 mage spell "haste"*

Forget how to cast.

Crap.

Fine.

I need a place to rest my tired mind and body, without any disturbance.

cast level 1 priest spell "sanctuary"*

Failed due to lack of wisdom.

Verdict*

I make a bad priest/mage.

On the gate

Is it so hard to love? Is it so hard to love your close ones impartially? I think it is. Not impossible, but very, very, very hard. No matter how impartial you try to be, in the end, it all comes down on how the others judge you. How the others look at your action.
I've tried my best, I tried to love you both all i can, i placed you both on equal status in my heart. Can't you see it? Don't listen to others. Please. These people are fuckers. They don't understand anything at all, and yet they are pretending they do. THIS kind of people, should mind their own business, instead of ours.
Don't judge me by my actions, but instead judge me by my heart for you. Actions sometimes doesn't represent one's love for others. I'm atas pagar la.

P.S/ I'm sorry for what i did today.

Happy Chinese New Year!!

Happy Chinese New Year.
May the year of the Rat brings luck and joy to you guys.
Pergi la tahun BABI! Pergi la. Marilah Tahun Tikus. Marilah.
Pergilah bala-bala sekalian. Marilah tuah-tuah sekalian.
Aku mau menang duit banyak ni.
Aku nak pawn hangpa dalam Texas hold'em poker, black jack, ngau dan lain lain lagi.
haha.

I am Teoh Hock Lye

It feels so lonely now. I'm in my living room now. Blasting the atmosphere, vibrating millions of air molecules around me, using my toshiba lap top's speaker, to generate noise, which orientated nicely to form a nice tune. Songs. I'm listening to songs now. Daughtry. Its useless anyway. The noisy atmosphere i generated is no match for what i'm feeling for the past few weeks.
Ahhh~
I feel like calling her today. Feels like talking to her, seeing her, enjoying the atmosphere when she's around, before i go back to my hometown.
Hey, better not! I'll only miss her more if i did that. Fuh~

The moonlight that shined my face yesterday at the futsal court, reminds me of the emptiness i feel without her. Her laughter, her "cocks", her smile.

Allow me to pick a phrase from the movie i really enjoy, City Of Angels.

"I would have a touch of her, a sight of her, rather than an eternity without it"-Seth.

Although it may seem like i'm exaggerating now, but this is what's in me now. This is how i feel now.

An empty shell without love, which in the end being filled with tensions and pressure from schoolworks and activities.

A shallow guy, Teoh Hock Lye.

Shocking yet thrilling news

I'm absolutely thrilled right now. My friend is getting engaged in February. A girl. The small puny little girl who sat behind me in f2 class back in SMK Dato' Onn Butterworth. Walaueh! I just can't imagine it. Everything just happened too fast. Yesterday she was still sitting behind me in class, joking around with me and the rest, bidding me farewell after class. We were so young at that time. Now, she's getting engaged. With my nemesis. The guy who took her from me.

Maleh! I was too late. Nevertheless, i wish her and my "nemesis" happy engagement. I'm happy that she has found her soulmate, her guardian angel, her other half in this big and complicated world.

Cepatlah beranak dan bagi saya tengok produk Hangpa berdua. haha!!

Hectic life

I'm tired. I'm wear out. Its been a hectic 5 days for me. Marathon, C-DEX, Donkey and classes. This 4 things are the main ingredients for my busy schedule. The marathon i joined last sunday took its toll on me and i find it difficult to walk these few days as a result of overstressing my muscles during the run. I'm very tired now. I want to sleep. And yet i'm blogging. lol.

Timelines for my publicity group are approaching, and i'm still far from halfway on completing my tasks. I'm screwed, pressured, scared and fucked up. My friends kept saying i have done a good job, performing beyond their expectations, but deep in my heart, i know i can do better. I know they said that to motivate me, to ease some pressure off my shoulders, but with power, comes responsibility and responsibility exists together with pressure.
Responsiblility. The thing that i've been avoiding since i entered university. Suddenly new things keep appearing in my life. I'll just have to buckle up and make sure things go as planned in the meeting.
Strange though, although i've been very busy lately, i can still allocate some time to think of her.haha. I miss her. The shooting star. Passed her faculty just now, hoping that she and her friends will show up, hoping to glance at her, or perhaps offering her a ride back to her college, but life is not like what we expect. Checked my phone just now, hoping for her msgs or phone call. Nah, this is near impossible. I wonder how is she now.

Is she having fun now? That'll be good for her.
Is she seeing someone else now? That'll be good for her too, but not for me :(
How's her health? I sure hope she's healthy.
Is she thinking of me now? i wish for that, but i know the percentage is very small.


Alright, i better sign out now. Tonnes of works waiting to be completed.

Kira Yamato, Strikeor freedom, ikimasu!

Stupid me

Its just pure stupidity. The signs aren't there anymore. The answer's clear. But i still hope that things will be just like what i hope to.

I still cling on to ...... nothing. Perhaps this is what people described by, people do stupid things when it comes to love. People tend to be blinded by love.

Perhaps i'm one of them.
Perhaps i'm just too scared to let go.
Perhaps i'm just too persistent.
Perhaps i'm not.

I miss her now. But does she misses me? Am i the only one doing the "missing" now? I think the answer is yes. Is it still worth it not to let go? To keep pushing on for that little nothing?

I'd say yes.

But i've lost my courage. I've lost my "Mojo".

Concept of Merit

Merit. Although my knowledge in buddhism is not that profound, due to the fact that i'm not a staunch buddhist, and that i'm just too lazy to read or too sleepy during most of the dhamma talks that i attended, i'm pretty sure that this concept is one of the most well spread. If you have never heard of merit, allow me to take the role of a dhamma speaker and teach u buggers the concept of merits, although i suck at it.lol.

Do good deeds, having good thoughts, righteous acts generates merits. Merits are your pasport to enlightenment or should i say, the place without suffering and pain. Looks simple? Yeah it does. (Actually that's all that i know from the merit talk, because i was fishing during the talk) But i'm positive that not many can actually do that. Not even me. When it comes to doing good deeds, people tend to think twice before doing it. Thoughts like will this good deeds shit going to do me any good. Sad, but it's the truth. Most Malaysians are brought up in this kind of environment.

Merits can be transferred too. How? I'm not too sure about it, but i think its quite simple. You just need to chant some puja and the merits you generated will be transferred to others. And just in case u guys were wondering why should we give away the merits we generated so "hard" to others, the concept here is that, you let them enjoy the benefits of the merits u generated. You see, this is a win-win situation. You generate more merits by transfering merits (doing good deeds), and they get to enjoy ur merits. Normally, we transfer merits to the departed ones to ease their sufferings and to help them reincarnate in case their merits are not enough.

Now, you guys must be wondering why suddenly i'm not that shallow right? This is because in the last INCOVAR camp, i was kind of interested to learn more about transference of merits. Hence, i turned to Kong Chung Hwa, the smarter jack ass. Why? Because i feel that my friends, relatives, accquintances need it. Recently i was bombarded with the news that my friends who one by one, lost their beloved ones. I'm trully sorry about their loss and if u guys don't mind, the next part of this post will be dedicated to them.

Friend A who lost his/her father a few months back
Friend B who lost his/her grandmother a few days back
Friend C who lost his/her grandmother less than a month ago
Friend D who lost his/her grandfather a few months back
Friend E who lost his/her grandfather a few months back
Friend F who lost his/her grandmother nearly 2 years ago
Auntie and cousins who lost uncle nearly 2 years ago

and a few more.

Be strong. Though this loss is like a deep cut in your heart, let time heal your wound. Though one day the memories of your love one will fade away, rest assured that they will always be in your heart. They will always be there, watching over you, as your guardian angel, protecting you. Though this experience isn't a pleasant one, it will make you a better person in the future. Let us look forward to the future, and live life to the fullest, as i'm 100% sure, this is what they want you to do as well. Sometimes, its better to let go than to cling to it. And if this still doesn't work, you can give me a call for my service. I'm a part time entertainer, and i don't come cheap ok. haha.

P.S I'll dedicate my merits to your deceased love ones if i have a chance, and provided that i still remember. hah!

Flashes of memories

What happens if someday the ones u love so much passed away suddenly? What if you didn't even have the chance to say goodbye to them? To say how much u love them? To say ur final words to them before they depart on their new journey of afterlife?

I urge you to seriously give it a thought. Because things like this do happen in our life. I used to think that this issue will never appear in my life. But i was so wrong. I lost my good uncle in law. My auntie lost her beloved husband. My cousins lost their caring father. And we didn't even have the chance to say goodbye to him. He was murdered. His death was horrifying. He suffered so much before he breathed in his last air.

I still remember the day i received the news.

It took place in the morning. I was in genting at that time.I was in the buffet hall, figuring what to put on my plate for my second serving when suddenly my phone rang. Mom told me the news. I said "what?", not sure of what i've just heard. I was stunned. Yeah, stunned just like when sand king impaled ur ass from the ground and your hero will lost all abilities and even movements for 2.75 seconds. It took me a 2.75 seconds to compose myself before asking her what really happened. She didnt said much. Correction. She just simply can't find the strength to tell me what really happened. I hung up. Without any delay, i dialed my dad's number, hoping he can tell me what the fuck happened. Guess what. He didnt want to elaborate. I told him i'm coming back asap but he told me to stay for another night in genting, and i obeyed.

Till today i simply don't understand why i followed my father's "command". Till today i regretted that i didn't come back the moment i found out about his death. And the worst thing was, initially i thought he was murdered by "tai yee long" because he owe ppl money, or got beaten to death because he offended someone. That's how shallow my thinking was. Man, i deserve to be shot by of chinese soldiers with the bullets i bought for myself.

Nevertheless i was informed bout the truth, although it came abit later. I cried when my sis told me what happened. I cried during his funeral. I cried during the IXP sharing (Fuck you kong for laughing at me on that day). I never thought i'll cry. Sometimes, i hope he's still here. So that we can continue our conversation about the "包青天" drama aired in astro tvb Xing He, my education, my future, my love life and few things more.
Rest in peace. I promise, i will try my best to take good care of auntie and cousins, and perhaps burn more hell money for you, so that u can afford mercedes, ipod, bungalow down there ok! But in order for that to happened, i have to stop procrastinate. Damn! Uncle, if you are reading this, please send me something to cure this freaking illness.

P.S: To the one who murdered him, screw you. Even you're still free out there, thanks to the incapabilities of our royal police, one day, your god will lay the smackdown on your ass. And i will personally be the 1st to give u a 3:16 stone cold stunner.

Life

"How I wish I am little again, when things were less complicated" - Alvin Siao Ta Po (at least I gave you credit!) :AnGeLicLy^DeViLish

Bodo nak mampus "hang kucing." lol.

Happy new year everyone

2007. it’s just a matter of hours before the Gregorian calendar turns 2008. There goes another year of my university life. I still remember the 1st day when i was in UPM, where I’m so eager to start my university life, hoping to uncover and see new stuffs, do things that I can only imagine back at secondary school. But things turned out to be just the opposite of what I expect it to be. At that point, I really want to quit UPM, going somewhere else to further my studies, overseas perhaps, hoping that this somewhere will be able to fulfill my passion and ambition for recognitions and achievements. Instead, I stayed. Slowly, the environment in UPM and the events that took place in my life changed me. Grades never fail to drop each semester, the end of my 2 years relationship with her, grandparents fell ill, the death of my uncle in law. At that time, I feel that my life sucks a lot. Things are not working out for me at all. Luckily, kamisama granted me with one thing. Friends. U guys and gals. Both university and hometown friends. Without u guys, I don’t think I’ll ever make it till today. Thanks for making my life more colourful and memorable. Thanks for being there for me when I needed someone. Thanks for letting me whine/bitched at you guys, like everyday? Lol. Allow me to wish u guys a happy new year. May the year of 2008 brings more pleasant memories of us together. Capture it with camera if you like, but I’ll prefer to capture the memories that we’re going to have in my heart. Cheers! Beers anyone?