I am Teoh Hock Lye

It feels so lonely now. I'm in my living room now. Blasting the atmosphere, vibrating millions of air molecules around me, using my toshiba lap top's speaker, to generate noise, which orientated nicely to form a nice tune. Songs. I'm listening to songs now. Daughtry. Its useless anyway. The noisy atmosphere i generated is no match for what i'm feeling for the past few weeks.
Ahhh~
I feel like calling her today. Feels like talking to her, seeing her, enjoying the atmosphere when she's around, before i go back to my hometown.
Hey, better not! I'll only miss her more if i did that. Fuh~

The moonlight that shined my face yesterday at the futsal court, reminds me of the emptiness i feel without her. Her laughter, her "cocks", her smile.

Allow me to pick a phrase from the movie i really enjoy, City Of Angels.

"I would have a touch of her, a sight of her, rather than an eternity without it"-Seth.

Although it may seem like i'm exaggerating now, but this is what's in me now. This is how i feel now.

An empty shell without love, which in the end being filled with tensions and pressure from schoolworks and activities.

A shallow guy, Teoh Hock Lye.

The purpose of life

I had this conversation with a friend which took place a few weeks ago. In the conversation, the issue about how many relationships i've had, and the number she's had arised. Well, this leads to a point she brought up, which i kinda disagreed with it. Apparently, she has only been involved in 2 relationships, simply because she does not wish to carry the "playgirl" tag around her neck.

This is what i don't understand. I mean, what is our purpose here? Physicists said our purpose is to find the beginning of everything, which is why they came up with " the big bang" theory. Christianity said we are here to serve god, and so do the Muslims, Buddhists said we are here to experience the suffering and joy in this wretched world, which resulted in my friend saying that Buddha is a pessimists. haha. As for me, i'll have to say that my purpose here, is to search for our soulmate. Our other half. Our mr. Right/mrs. Right.

And of course, in our dire search for our other half, which is so hard to be found is this gargantuanly big cruel world called Earth, we are bound to stumble upon our non-soulmates, which in the end resulted in failed relationships. These are all a part of our life's learning curve. This is what we are supposed to be prepared to embrace. Learn from mistakes or failed relationship, improve ourself and become a better person in the future. Learn to love better, learn to care better, learn to give unconditional love, and last but not the least, learn to forgive.

I've had one failed relationship, and it took me 2 years to realise she's not my mrs right. I've no regrets whatsoever during my 2 years "internship" with her. In fact, i wanted to thank her, for making me a better person. The same goes to shooting star as well. The fact that she turned me down, has make me a better person too. I'm glad that god gave me the opportunity to meet them.

Easier said than done

It takes a few calories, couple of tweaks from your jaw muscles, brainless mind, to utter a few words out, but it takes ample time, top notch determination and brute strength to perform certain things we said out.
Fuck me. Fuck you. Fuck everyone. Fuck the world. Fuck me again. A very fucking thanks to everyone who fucking viewed this fucked up post in this fuckingly lame blog. Big fucking thanks.
Got to fucking sign out now. Fuck bye.

S.O.S

It feels so painful now.
Like a sword piercing through my fragile, weak heart.
I thought the cut is healing, but the old wound just wouldn't stop bleeding.
It'll just continue to bleed, until every litre of blood in my body dried up.
I hate this feeling.
Why can't this thought and feelings for her stop?
Help me. Please kill me. Please take my mind away and make me a living zombie.
I don't care.
S.O.S

Shocking yet thrilling news

I'm absolutely thrilled right now. My friend is getting engaged in February. A girl. The small puny little girl who sat behind me in f2 class back in SMK Dato' Onn Butterworth. Walaueh! I just can't imagine it. Everything just happened too fast. Yesterday she was still sitting behind me in class, joking around with me and the rest, bidding me farewell after class. We were so young at that time. Now, she's getting engaged. With my nemesis. The guy who took her from me.

Maleh! I was too late. Nevertheless, i wish her and my "nemesis" happy engagement. I'm happy that she has found her soulmate, her guardian angel, her other half in this big and complicated world.

Cepatlah beranak dan bagi saya tengok produk Hangpa berdua. haha!!

community service

Please do humanity a service and kill me now.

* * * * *

Ohhh~,
what a vast sky,
looks so empty without you,
wondering,
where are you,
my shooting star,
searching hard but you seem invinsible,
will you cross my path again,
i ponder.

Hectic life

I'm tired. I'm wear out. Its been a hectic 5 days for me. Marathon, C-DEX, Donkey and classes. This 4 things are the main ingredients for my busy schedule. The marathon i joined last sunday took its toll on me and i find it difficult to walk these few days as a result of overstressing my muscles during the run. I'm very tired now. I want to sleep. And yet i'm blogging. lol.

Timelines for my publicity group are approaching, and i'm still far from halfway on completing my tasks. I'm screwed, pressured, scared and fucked up. My friends kept saying i have done a good job, performing beyond their expectations, but deep in my heart, i know i can do better. I know they said that to motivate me, to ease some pressure off my shoulders, but with power, comes responsibility and responsibility exists together with pressure.
Responsiblility. The thing that i've been avoiding since i entered university. Suddenly new things keep appearing in my life. I'll just have to buckle up and make sure things go as planned in the meeting.
Strange though, although i've been very busy lately, i can still allocate some time to think of her.haha. I miss her. The shooting star. Passed her faculty just now, hoping that she and her friends will show up, hoping to glance at her, or perhaps offering her a ride back to her college, but life is not like what we expect. Checked my phone just now, hoping for her msgs or phone call. Nah, this is near impossible. I wonder how is she now.

Is she having fun now? That'll be good for her.
Is she seeing someone else now? That'll be good for her too, but not for me :(
How's her health? I sure hope she's healthy.
Is she thinking of me now? i wish for that, but i know the percentage is very small.


Alright, i better sign out now. Tonnes of works waiting to be completed.

Kira Yamato, Strikeor freedom, ikimasu!

Part time job

I have a part time job for today.
As a mamat pasrah.
Haiz.

Heavenly dream

Today's like heaven to me.
I'm sure i must be in a dream.
A dream that i don't feel like waking up from it.

Yeah. A good dream. It has been a while.
Please don't let the alarm clock screwed up my dream.

Stupid me

Its just pure stupidity. The signs aren't there anymore. The answer's clear. But i still hope that things will be just like what i hope to.

I still cling on to ...... nothing. Perhaps this is what people described by, people do stupid things when it comes to love. People tend to be blinded by love.

Perhaps i'm one of them.
Perhaps i'm just too scared to let go.
Perhaps i'm just too persistent.
Perhaps i'm not.

I miss her now. But does she misses me? Am i the only one doing the "missing" now? I think the answer is yes. Is it still worth it not to let go? To keep pushing on for that little nothing?

I'd say yes.

But i've lost my courage. I've lost my "Mojo".

The upcoming big crisis

Brace yourself.

It's coming.

Yes.

The petrol hike.

I hate it. You hate it too. But our government is going to enforce it as the current price for a barrel of crude oil is about whopping 99 USD. And its implications even though before its enforcement? One thing that i'm sure is that things are more expensive nowadays! Roti diana that used to cost me RM3.50, now are selling at the price of RM4.00. CRAP. Hup Seng cream crackers are selling at nearly RM3.50, an increase of nearly RM0.50-0.70 compared to a year ago. No more Hup Seng for supper. Even Roti Gardenia's price is 20 cents more expensive! Prices went up like nobody's business!

But hey, whats the big deal right? I'll just have to study harder, get good grades and secure a job with nice pay, work harder to impress my boss and hope for salary increment at the end of the year, perhaps getting bonuses as well and all the problems above are "poof"! Wrong! You are not seeing the big picture here. Go get your specs before you continue reading.

I was just like you guys, until i stumbled upon one article that changes my mind, totally.

This is serious shit.

This isn't about us having to pay more money for our car's petrol.

This is about the crisis that we are going to face in the next few years time.

The one that's going to hit everyone in the world, in just a matter of time, if the solution to this shit is yet to be found.

Our world right now, is producing more oil everyday. Sooner or later, global oil production will reach a point called the "peak oil", where the rate of production will be maximum at that time. After that, comes the decline. This means, oil barrel production will decrease day by day, while the demand for oil will keep increasing, due to the worldwide industrial growth and increasing worldwide population. Experts already predicted that oil production will decrease by about 2% every year while the demand for crude oil will increase by 3% every year by then. Things are just going to be costlier, as almost everything in the world relies on oil. From electricity that are usually generated using oil and coals, automobiles that requires gas to move ( orewuwa nissan sunny!!), industries that requires crude oil for its productions, i.e Durex condom manufacturing, natural gases for producing fertilisers for farming purposes, to the very basic needs of cooking oil to cook my Roti Diana.

"So what? We still have alot of reserves. It's going to take like another 20 years for the reserves to fully depleted. Chill la. We've got time mah. If not, god will help us 1."

Noob. You just been first blooded.

How i wish that things are much simpler this way. But it ain't like that. A mere decrease of 5-10% of global oil production when the demand is high is enough to skyrocket the price of 1 barrel of crude oil and possibly starting a war, with the purpose of conquering other countries for their oil reserves or energy sources. Things are just going to turn bad and i just can't imagine how bad it will be. This shit, is really shitty. Shitter.

Alright, enough about global issues. What about our country?

According to experts, our country will import more petroleums than exporting it by 2011, because our reserves are draining up as i blog now. This means, things will be MORE expensive in the future again. PETRONAS won't be able to save our government's ass that much in the future. I can't eat Roti Diana anymore. Hup Seng will costs RM10. And our worst nightmare. Petrol's simply going to cost so much, middle class men like me will have rely on public transportation to reach my destination instead of driving my Nissan "Felali" Sunny. Guess i'll just have to park my car under the shade nia lor.lol.

Aphrodisiac meal

Aiseh.

Thought wanna show you guys how McD prosperity burger looks like, but my mouth has the capability to chomp 5 times in 1 second. Alot faster than my hand holding the camera.

Sorry guys. haha.

Yosh! I'm recharged for tonight!

Concept of Merit

Merit. Although my knowledge in buddhism is not that profound, due to the fact that i'm not a staunch buddhist, and that i'm just too lazy to read or too sleepy during most of the dhamma talks that i attended, i'm pretty sure that this concept is one of the most well spread. If you have never heard of merit, allow me to take the role of a dhamma speaker and teach u buggers the concept of merits, although i suck at it.lol.

Do good deeds, having good thoughts, righteous acts generates merits. Merits are your pasport to enlightenment or should i say, the place without suffering and pain. Looks simple? Yeah it does. (Actually that's all that i know from the merit talk, because i was fishing during the talk) But i'm positive that not many can actually do that. Not even me. When it comes to doing good deeds, people tend to think twice before doing it. Thoughts like will this good deeds shit going to do me any good. Sad, but it's the truth. Most Malaysians are brought up in this kind of environment.

Merits can be transferred too. How? I'm not too sure about it, but i think its quite simple. You just need to chant some puja and the merits you generated will be transferred to others. And just in case u guys were wondering why should we give away the merits we generated so "hard" to others, the concept here is that, you let them enjoy the benefits of the merits u generated. You see, this is a win-win situation. You generate more merits by transfering merits (doing good deeds), and they get to enjoy ur merits. Normally, we transfer merits to the departed ones to ease their sufferings and to help them reincarnate in case their merits are not enough.

Now, you guys must be wondering why suddenly i'm not that shallow right? This is because in the last INCOVAR camp, i was kind of interested to learn more about transference of merits. Hence, i turned to Kong Chung Hwa, the smarter jack ass. Why? Because i feel that my friends, relatives, accquintances need it. Recently i was bombarded with the news that my friends who one by one, lost their beloved ones. I'm trully sorry about their loss and if u guys don't mind, the next part of this post will be dedicated to them.

Friend A who lost his/her father a few months back
Friend B who lost his/her grandmother a few days back
Friend C who lost his/her grandmother less than a month ago
Friend D who lost his/her grandfather a few months back
Friend E who lost his/her grandfather a few months back
Friend F who lost his/her grandmother nearly 2 years ago
Auntie and cousins who lost uncle nearly 2 years ago

and a few more.

Be strong. Though this loss is like a deep cut in your heart, let time heal your wound. Though one day the memories of your love one will fade away, rest assured that they will always be in your heart. They will always be there, watching over you, as your guardian angel, protecting you. Though this experience isn't a pleasant one, it will make you a better person in the future. Let us look forward to the future, and live life to the fullest, as i'm 100% sure, this is what they want you to do as well. Sometimes, its better to let go than to cling to it. And if this still doesn't work, you can give me a call for my service. I'm a part time entertainer, and i don't come cheap ok. haha.

P.S I'll dedicate my merits to your deceased love ones if i have a chance, and provided that i still remember. hah!

C-DEX

Career and Self Development
Expo 2008
(C-DEX 2008)

Theme:
Empower, Endeavour, Excel

Date:
24th February 2008 (C-DEX RUN)
1st March 2008 – 3th March 2008 (Career Fair and Workshop)

Venue: Faculty of Engineering, Universiti Putra Malaysia


The first ever career and self development expo 2008 (C-DEX 2008) with the theme Endeavour, Empower, Excel, is the biggest engineering student activity in Universiti Putra Malaysia (UPM) organized by the Engineering Students’ Society (PEMAJU).
This expo is divided into 2 parts:
a) Career expo
b) Career Workshop
This expo is organized by PEMAJU to provide UPM students with proper future career exposure to various companies and corporations. This will thus enhance their chances of obtaining a career or internship of their choice without having to go far, and also realizing the potential of our students to prospective employers. Engineering students will be our priority but students from other courses and universities would also be invited to the expo.
The workshop would be targeted mainly for engineering students to have themselves equipped with a lot of vital knowledge for their future undertakings. It will focus on the soft skills of undergraduates before and after they obtain a job.
To promote this event, we will be organizing a run entitled C-DEX Run which will be held earlier before C-DEX, and we will be targeting students from UPM and other also other universities for this event.

Our Objectives:
1. To enhance co-operation, networking and good relationship between the industry, academic and governmental organization in developing world class graduates.
2. To draw interest and concern of the undergraduates over the importance of engineers as potential driving force to the country’s development.
3. To create a platform for young people to practice leadership, improve soft skills, and to develop their network.

Our Programme:
C-DEX 2008 includes a Run for publicity purposes and Career Fair which will run in parallel with a Self- Development Workshop.

i. C-DEX Run (24TH February 2008)
The focus of this run will be to promote C-DEX, by exposing runners to the objective of the Expo and the benefits they would acquire now and also in the future. Therefore we will be inviting students from UPM and also other universities to participate in this event. We are targeting 300 male and 300 female runners to participate in the run. Each of these runners will be entitled to a goodie bag and t-shirt, and will be entertained by a small carnival held during that day too, which will include lucky draws and performances. We will of course set a C-DEX booth up too during that day for publicity purposes.

ii. C-DEX Career Fair (1st March 2008 – 3th March 2008)

We are inviting multinational corporations such as Shell, Motorola, Bayer, YTL and many more to provide interview sessions for graduates and also interns. Companies could also offer applications for scholarships or funds for deserving students, if applicable. Apart from that we will also invite them to promote their companies to students and will give participating engineering students an insight on the working culture of each respective participating company.

iii. C-DEX Self Development Workshop (1st March 2008)
The workshop will focus on effective self development of a student or graduate, and will chance to improve student’s perception towards the job sector. The objective of this workshop is to help improve overall marketability of students, by recommending things they are supposed to experience while still in university and also when applying for a job. We would also be stressing on important issues upon entering the working world, and how to face them effectively. There will be various talks and a forum involved for the purposes mentioned above.


Official Website
to be confirmed

E-mail address
cdex08@gmail.com

Mailing Address
Persatuan Mahasiswa-mahasiswi Kejuruteraan
Fakulti Kejuruteraan
Universiti Putra Malaysia
43400, Serdang
Selangor Darul Ehsan

Inquiries
Director of C-DEX 08
Tan Yong Woi
017-320 1990

Career Department of C-DEX 08
Ooi Tze Howe
012-559 5993

Workshop Department of C-DEX 08
Chuah Pui Xi
012-324 5128

The shooting star *

In the darkest night it came,
Illuminates the path while moving,
The shooting star.

So bright and so perfect,
Hardly any flaws.

Voyaging so high but seems so low,
So near yet so far~

Came and go so swiftly,
Like lightning,
That strikes deep into my heart.

Flashes of memories

What happens if someday the ones u love so much passed away suddenly? What if you didn't even have the chance to say goodbye to them? To say how much u love them? To say ur final words to them before they depart on their new journey of afterlife?

I urge you to seriously give it a thought. Because things like this do happen in our life. I used to think that this issue will never appear in my life. But i was so wrong. I lost my good uncle in law. My auntie lost her beloved husband. My cousins lost their caring father. And we didn't even have the chance to say goodbye to him. He was murdered. His death was horrifying. He suffered so much before he breathed in his last air.

I still remember the day i received the news.

It took place in the morning. I was in genting at that time.I was in the buffet hall, figuring what to put on my plate for my second serving when suddenly my phone rang. Mom told me the news. I said "what?", not sure of what i've just heard. I was stunned. Yeah, stunned just like when sand king impaled ur ass from the ground and your hero will lost all abilities and even movements for 2.75 seconds. It took me a 2.75 seconds to compose myself before asking her what really happened. She didnt said much. Correction. She just simply can't find the strength to tell me what really happened. I hung up. Without any delay, i dialed my dad's number, hoping he can tell me what the fuck happened. Guess what. He didnt want to elaborate. I told him i'm coming back asap but he told me to stay for another night in genting, and i obeyed.

Till today i simply don't understand why i followed my father's "command". Till today i regretted that i didn't come back the moment i found out about his death. And the worst thing was, initially i thought he was murdered by "tai yee long" because he owe ppl money, or got beaten to death because he offended someone. That's how shallow my thinking was. Man, i deserve to be shot by of chinese soldiers with the bullets i bought for myself.

Nevertheless i was informed bout the truth, although it came abit later. I cried when my sis told me what happened. I cried during his funeral. I cried during the IXP sharing (Fuck you kong for laughing at me on that day). I never thought i'll cry. Sometimes, i hope he's still here. So that we can continue our conversation about the "包青天" drama aired in astro tvb Xing He, my education, my future, my love life and few things more.
Rest in peace. I promise, i will try my best to take good care of auntie and cousins, and perhaps burn more hell money for you, so that u can afford mercedes, ipod, bungalow down there ok! But in order for that to happened, i have to stop procrastinate. Damn! Uncle, if you are reading this, please send me something to cure this freaking illness.

P.S: To the one who murdered him, screw you. Even you're still free out there, thanks to the incapabilities of our royal police, one day, your god will lay the smackdown on your ass. And i will personally be the 1st to give u a 3:16 stone cold stunner.

..................

It takes time to fall for someone, but it takes longer time to forget someone.
It pains to love sometimes, but it pains even more to stop loving.
It hurts when i think of her, but it hurts the most to stop thinking of her.

Life

"How I wish I am little again, when things were less complicated" - Alvin Siao Ta Po (at least I gave you credit!) :AnGeLicLy^DeViLish

Bodo nak mampus "hang kucing." lol.